I Traded My Girlfriend

 

dec-poetry1

Photo courtesy of DesignPics Inc.; Photo by Con Tanasiuk

I traded my girlfriend for an old saddle horse
In a bar on Saturday night
I traded her off, got this saddle to boot
But the problem was I was half tight.

I was sitting and talking to this old rancher
He came in from Aniham Lake
We were talking about trading some horses and cows
And he told me what he had at stake.

He said, “I’ve got this old horse, he’s out on the range
That I don’t need anymore,
And I’m getting so old and it’s time he was sold
See, I just drive my old four-by-four.”

He said, “If you can just wrangle up some kind of deal
I’m sure he’s a horse you can use
‘Cause I’m too old to ride or to curry his hide
And I can’t even put on his shoes.”

He said he lived all alone and he didn’t have a phone
But he needed a girlfriend real bad
And he’d treat her real good if she packed in the wood
And then shared the bed in his pad.

But I didn’t tell her I traded her off
For a horse with a busted off hoof
And when he came to take her to Aniham Lake
She just about went through the roof.

She said, “You don’t have any claim on my soul
What the hell were you thinking that night?
Now you just go and give that old guy his horse
Or we’re going to wind up in a fight.”

But I told her I needed that old horse real bad
And that I could spare her for a while
Now she’s coming at me with a big rolling pin
And I don’t see no sign of a smile.

I traded my girlfriend for an old saddle horse
In a bar on Saturday night
I traded her off, got this saddle to boot
But the problem was I was half tight.

Frank Gleeson is the Official Poet of Williams Lake, B.C.

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